Start Again
by The ultimate book lover252
Summary: When a certain accident in Tris' life changes everything what will happen? Will it break her or make her stronger? Or will the guilt destroy her? this is all about her trying to Start Again
1. Prologue

Hey **so this is a new story but please be patient with this first chapter as it is only the prolougue. I promise that the next chapter will be much longer and will be updated sometime in the next week.**

 **Prolougue**

TRIS POV

My school experience so far has been pretty great, a fantastic group of friends and doing ok with grades. (I guess) But that's all changing. Tomorrow, instead of being all exited about starting junior year in school, I will be dreading coming home.

I won't be happy coming home to my family discussing my day. I won't be sitting around the table laughing with my parents.

And at night I won't be staying up late playing on my phone, even though my parents said I couldn't.

Tomorrow my whole life is going to change.

Tomorrow I will be going through the day just barely surviving.

Tomorrow I will cry myself to sleep.

Tomorrow they will unplug my brother...

 **Ohhh... Hope that you liked that. The next chapter is going to pick up on the next day. I've already started it and it is going to be a lot... Longer. So hopefully it will be up in the next couple of days!**


	2. Chapter 1 the day

**Hey this is the first proper chapter and I have tried my best to make it as long as I can. Enjoy...**

I wake up with a knot in my stomach. Today is the day that my brother is going to die. When my parents had sat me down and told me, I begged them to let me come with them. To say goodbye. They had refused, saying that it was best that I didn't come. And that Caleb would have wanted me to go to school. There I know they were right. He was a straight A student and was always telling me to study more, to read more.

I still asked them if I could come and say goodbye before, if I wasn't allowed to on the day. They agreed. Yesterday I spent hours sitting at his bedside. Talking to him. But now I have to get ready for today.

My brain tells me that I need to get up. Out of bed.

My heart tells me to stay here. To curl up in the sheets and cry.

"Listen to your brain." Says a voice in my head. But it isn't just any voice. It's Caleb's.

Reluctantly I do. I get up out of bed and walk to my bathroom, which is attached to my bedroom.

As I stand in the shower, I think of how easy it'd be just to stay here. Standing under the hot water; running at a speed out of the shower head.

-time skip.-

Once I am washed and dressed, I look into the mirror.

black top, black jeans, black combat boots and a leather, studded jacket.

My make up is minimal with just the basics.

If you saw me, you wouldn't picture that anything at all was wrong. But it is. This whole day is wrong, but I need to look ahead. That's what my mother always says. I grab my bag and head downstairs. When I get there, my parents are already eating breakfast and my plate is already set out on the table.

Pancakes. My eyes well up at the sight of them. It's what we always ate on the first day of school. Trying to ignore that fact, I sit down at the table and manage to get through them without bursting into tears.

Nobody talks.

After breakfast, I rise my plate and then give both of my parents a giant hug. They wish me good luck and I return it. They now what I mean.

-TIME SKIP TO THE SCHOOL-

I pull into the school and park my tiny car. It's a small car, not the best but it's only my first car and it gets me around Chicago. It's a silver four-seater. And has a radio and cup holders. So it's all great.

I walk into the school and to the front desk where I am greeted by Tori. She is officially called Mrs Wu but she tells everyone to call her Tori.

"here's your timetable Tris." And she hands my time table over to me. As I have been here for my whole Highschool experience so I have the same locker.

"thanks Tori."

normally I'm a lot more talkative but not today. Tori knows that too. But today I am finding it so hard to keep it all together that I'm afraid that if I do talk too much, I might crumble.

i look at my timetable as I walk towards my locker.

1-engish-Mrs Holman

2 science- Mrs mathews

3 lunch

4 art- Mrs wu

5 history- mr colman

6 gym- coach amar

7 free-

great, I can go home straight after gym. I check my watch: 7:00

The deed will be done at 8pm. 13 hours...

once I am at my locker, I see Christina at hers, which is next to mine. She immediately comes up to means gives me a hug. "There's a new guy coming here today and I heard that he's in our year!" Oh Christina always looking on the bright side of things. I have already talked to the group and we've decided to at like normal.

to be honest I need a little bit of normal today. Eve though none of my friends knew Caleb that well, they were still partly friends with him. When they came over to my house for parties or other sociable events. I say sociable, but really it was just me, Christina, Will, Marlene, Shauna, Zeke, Uriah and Lynn. ( **Quick A/N I HAVE MADE EVERYONE THE SAME AGE: JUST 'CUZ IT MAKES IT EASIER FOR MWA)**

"HEY Hand over your timetable. " I do as she says and then my ears nearly explode and Christina tackles me into a hug."YAY! WE HAVE ALL THE SAME CLASSES...WELL EXEPT FOR 7TH BUT WHO CARES! Seriously Tris who cares about that?"

"no one and Christina, please, inside voice."

"fine."  
we then start walking to English where we are met by the whole gang plus one. He must be the new guy. "Hey guys." Christina and I happen to say at the exact same time. Christina sits next to Will and I next to Uriah, across from the new guy. Everybody says some form of greeting back.

Then Zeke speaks. "Everyone this is Four, my new best bud. Four this is my girlfriend Shauna, her sister Lynn. My younger brother Uriah. Marlene, Will, Christina and Tris." He says motioning to each of us in turn.

I take in the new guy, I mean four. A number for a name I mean I'm not gonna judge but... Anyways, he has a defined jawline, dark hair and an ocean for eyes. When I loo into them I feel as if I'm lost at sea. I realise that I must have been staying for a little too long and turn away.

-time skip till lunch, 'cuz let's face it nobody likes writing (or reading) about school-

I walk into the lunch hall with Uriah and four whom I sat next to last lesson, Christina went ahead with Will. God they've got target together soon. I can't stand watching them all day hopelessly flirting with each other. We grab lunch and then sit down with the others at our table.

It's all going well everyone filling Four in on what happened over the summer, and by that I mean all of the outings and the parties that we went to together.

Then "so Tris do you have any siblings or anything?"" Everybody stops and looks at me.. Four is obviously confused and thinks that he only asked a question. If only he knew.

I slowly get up.

i grab my bag.

I walk towards the door and out of the lunch room.

I keep walking.

Past the front desk.

Out of the school and into my car.

and I just sit there. After about five minutes, I start the engine and drive. Once I stop, I look at where I am. The woods. This is where Caleb and I used to come to just get away from things when they just got too much. Like when grandma died of cancer.

Like when mom and dad started shouting at each other for no good reason.

Like all the other times that he was there for me,

i look at the clock on my car 7:58

wow I've been here for a lot longer than I thought.

two minutes.

My breath hitches.

7:59

one minute. My eyes well up with tears.

8:00.

that's it. My. Brother's dead.

I know that it can take hours after the plug is pulled for people to die, sometimes it's only minutes. But the fact that it's done. The fact that there is no chance that he could come back anymore.

my body is racked with tears. I can't seem to stop. I can't take it anymore. I have lived with this for 60 days .. This guilt and I can't take it anymore. I thought tat maybe if he woke up, he would forgive me. I know that it's selfish to want. him to wake up so that. He could forgive me but it's so much more than that.

i want things to go back to the way that they were.. I want for. Him to be here with me.

 **-time skip-**

I flop down on my bed. It's half past nine. What's taking them so long?

 **Ok so that is it. I am sorry that it is short but the next one will be longer I just to end it there for dramatic purposes. Please review it really does mean a lot...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey so this is the third chapter hope that you all enjoy it. Please review and tell me who's POV you would like me to do as I am thinking of doing a couple of chapters in other POVs. On with the story...**

i wake up the next morning and my cheeks are stiff. Like they are when you cry too much. I never heard my parents coming back home last night. I check my clock 5:02 I decide that I will never be able to get back to sleep.

After I have washed,dressed and brushed my teeth I look into the mirror. To be honest there is only one word that can describe me:hell.

I. Look. Like. Hell.

Because of this interesting fact I decide to put on some makeup. Not enough to draw attention, but enough to hide how I look. It works. Minimal foundation, some lipgloss, mascara and liquid eyeliner. To be honest this is my go-to look. My outfit is similar to yesterday so I won't even bother to go through that.

Once I have grabbed my bag, I head downstairs. My parents aren't there so I make myself some cereal with a glass of orange juice. I eat in silence and hear the satisfying crunch echo through the dining room. Once I am done, I look at the clock and it reads six. I have an hour 'till I have to be at school.

i decide to check on my parents and am surprised to see that all of their things are gone. On their bed lies a letter. I pick it up and see what it says.

 _Dear Beatrice,_

 _Before I start please remember that your father and I love you so much and this is not in any way your fault. Your father and I can just not do this any more. We love you but when we look at you all we can see is the fact that Caleb is not here anymore._

 _So we have decided to leave. As we have very good jobs, we will continue to pay for the house and take care of all of the bills. In addition to this I will deposit money into your bank account for food and other essentials. When the time comes we will also pay for your collage education if that is what you choose._

 _We love you. P.s this wasn't my idea Beatrice your father doesn't know that I am writing these few sentences. I love you and never wanted to do this to you but your father is forcing me. If it were up to me I would stay and we could get through this together. But you have my number and I will come and visit every chance that I get. Maybe come back home and stay if I get the chance. I begged him not to do this but he wouldn't hear of it. I have left you a present in the mail box please do not get it until after school. I know how hard it is so it will give you something to look forward to! I love you Beatrice. Never forget that._

 _Be brave. I love youxxx._

I am on the verge of tears but refuse to let it get to me. I refuse to cry that is how I am. So I don't. Instead I grab the letter and stride downstairs.

I throw it in my bag and drive to school. As soon as I am parked up I am bombarded by the gang and Four who is looking a little on the sad side. I don't say anything just grab Christina and go around the corner.

"What the hell?"

"Look at this.." But before I give it to her I add. "You can't tell anyone."

"Ok"

"Promise?"

"I promise."

I hand it to her. Watch her facial expression soon her eyes widen. Then she looks angry, then sad and then sad again.

She hands it back to me.

:"tris what are we gonna tell the gang.?"

"I'll find a way of telling them but I'm gonna wait 'till lunch so that I can tell them all at the same time ok? So please don't tell anyone until then and before you ask no even Will." I give her puppy dog eyes."pleaseeeeeee?"

'Fine but you BETTER tell them at LUNCH!"

"Ok"

-time skip-

We walk into the lunch hall and grab our food. I sit down across from Christina and next to Uriah. Christina clears her throughout to get everyone's attention. Oh no! Not yet!

They all look at her.

"Tris has something that she would like to tell all of you"

They

All

Look

At

Me

"Well..." I pause and look at Christina who shows no mercy.

" 'cuseshecouldhsvegottenadivorceorsomething." I say speedily.

"What did you just say Tris?" Inquires Zeke. All of the gang look at me expecting me to say it again. But I don't want to.

So Christina does.

I am then bombarded with questions and various versions of 'I'm sorry' or 'are you ok Tris.'

Thank god that the bell rings signalling that I can go to class.

Once I get to at Tori comes over and hands me not one but two sketch books. I give her a questioning look.

"Tris I know that you weren't in my class yesterday"

"I'm sorry about that Tori." I say.

"No need to apologise Christina told me what happens. Anyways I thought that maybe you could use the spare one for your personal thoughts and art." Oh Tori always looking out for everyone.

"Thank you Tori" I pause. "Really."

'Well I know how much you like your art. Anyways class is about to start."

Tori goes to the front of the class (as I am positioned at the very far back) and gets the attention of everyone else.

"Right everybody today I would like you to da w something that represents you."

i have one thought. This is going to be an interesting year...

 **Ok this isn't as long as I would have liked, but my computer is broken and it is hard to update. I am going to start the next chapter on paper and then type it up once the computer is fixed. Please be patient! (And review please)**


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